Thursday, February 9, 2012
My Husband's grief....
Today I am reflecting upon your grief and it pains, me. I have friends I talk to and I still feel so lonely at times. I can't imagine the pain you carry within. You were right by my side for every appointment, gave me my shots everyday and watched Avery being born, I told you not to look until they unwrapped the cord, but you insisted and I know you still continuously have nightmares about that. I can still remember when people would call the house or stop by asking you how was I? Only a very few asked how you were, and I still remember you asking, "Jen, don't they realize I lost him too?" Why are men expected to be strong, what does strong exactly mean? Does that mean men aren't suppose to cry or grieve, why are women given permission? I don't understand it and never will. Does being strong mean holding your grief in? We need to change how other's view the grief of a man and that is a venture I hope and pray you will find in your heart to do? That you will have the strength one day to speak up and on another note, it kills me inside that your sisters havent' called in 2 years to see how you are doing, it's almost like you been written off. Don't they want to know what Avery looked like, their nephew or how Abby is doing, they are missing out on so much. She is one beautiful, smart, little girl. Are they not the least bit curious to see how you are doing? Jim you are such a loving, caring, sweet and fabulous husband, you are my best friend, you have seen me at my worst and I have seen you at yours and I am proud we have weathered so many storms together and still stand side by side. Marriages aren't perfect, people aren't perfect, but we have always remained together through thick and thin, when most couples don't survive the loss of a child, and the other ups and downs we have been through, they tend to go their seperate ways according to statitics. Jim I am sorry for the pain you carry in your heart as well and if I could take it away, I would, but thank you for traveling this journey with me and not leaving my side. I love you Jimmy Charles Davis Jr. and always will.