My Beautiful Daughter, My Shining Miracle!

My Beautiful Daughter, My Shining Miracle!
Ab's and I

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


There are moments I feel so much happiness in my heart, finding myself truly smiling again and enjoying the simple joys in life, my daughter, my husband, spending time with my mom, my dad, my brother and the special friends in my life.  These are extremely happy moments, but part of me still constantly aches for you.  There are days I feel so strong and then someone asks me a question or I have to fill out a form at a doctors office, how many live pregnancies have you had, that I just want to crawl in a hole and cry.  I still think about you everyday and wonder how talkative you would be, how fast you would be running, what you and your sister would be doing?  My dad being in the hospital made everything resurface again, how precious life is, how in a matter of seconds life changes.  We are blessed he is ok, but it did shake me up quite a bit.  It brought me to wonder about my own mortality and this blood clotting disorder I have, I want to live a long, long life.  I want to see and experience everyday of Abby's life because I know where you are, you are taken care of and happy.  Abby I feel this need to protect her everyway that I can, and I know there are moments I won't be able to. I can still remember holding you in my arms, your toes, your hands, your nose, your lip that curled just like Abby's, the thought that my body didn't protect you, the very cord that brought you life, ended your physical life, the thought brings me to my knees, literally. I want to be celebrating St. Patty's Day with you, I want to be a mom juggling 2 living kids, but now I am a mom juggling being the best mom I can be to Abby and juggling being the best mom to you.  Many I am sure wonder why would you think that, he's gone?  Because, he is my son and I want nothing more than for him to be proud of me, for when it's time for me to embrace him again, I want to hear his sweet little voice say, Mommy I am proud of you.

I love you Abby, I love you Faith (and I am trying Faith to start to talk about you) and I love you Avery and miss you so very much.