My Beautiful Daughter, My Shining Miracle!

My Beautiful Daughter, My Shining Miracle!
Ab's and I

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Avery's Butterflies and the week to follow....

Avery's Butterflies hosted our first quarter auction, and I was so touched by the response we had.  The room was filled with so many family and friends and people I didn't even know who came out to support us.  I was truly touched.  I never in my wildest dreams would have expected there not be a seat available.  I am so thankful for so many people, Kelly for organizing everything, my friend Darlene for hosting the bake sale and baking all the goodies, and for my Mom, Stacy, Kelly and Renee for pitching in with the baked items.  Also, everyone who donated to the charity table,my friends, family, I could go on and on... I am just so thankful and this is hard for me, but I am honestly proud of myself for getting up and speaking  into a microphone to over hundred people about Avery's Butterflies and our hopes and dreams for the future, there were tears in the room and for the Moms whom came up to me afterwards and thanked me for having the strength to speak about still birth.  Last week was a whirlwind with so much planning, activities with Abby and so on an so forth....which leads me into the week ahead....

Dear Avery,

Is it OK to say, I am honestly scared of next week, because tonight it is creeping in, I had my first meltdown, realizing in 7 days you would be 2.  I often wonder what you would be into, Thomas The Train? Mickey Mouse? Bob The Builder?  Would you be shy, vivacious, spunky, a momma's boy?  Would your hair still be a light blonde or would it have gotten darker.  I wonder if friends and family think I should be moved on by now and I realize you don't "move on", you "move through" the best way you know how.  I wonder what it would be like to hear my son call my name and how you and Abby would be interacting, she longs for you so much to the extent when she sees a brother and sister, she has asked, "Mommy, why can't that be me?"  I can't tell you what that does to my heart.

I could easily fight the grief and keep it stuffed in, but I know for me it's better to let it out, know matter how much the pain hurts,  I have to, it's still the pain that brings me literally to my knees, it's a physical ache inside my heart. 

Avery, I hope and pray you are proud of me....I am trying my best to be a good wife, mom, daughter, christian, advocate and friend, but this week is going to be extremely hard, so please help me through.

I love you so much, we all do, and you are so missed.  I just want you here with my arms....

Love, Mommy


  1. I wish I could have been there for your speech. It sounds like it was amazing. You rock! Love ya <3

  2. Very well said Jennifer! Keep giving and going! Avery will always, always be in your heart....and when your heart is just too full.....let us hear about him. God Bless!

  3. For some reason it won't let me reply back? Kelly, thank you, I will probably post it on here :)

    Mrs. Jane, thank you so much!!! I appreciate it :)